Overview of tasks
Section 3 includes the following tasks:
- Task 1: What is a good and meaningful life to you?
- Task 2: A meaningful life led by your values
- Task 2(a) My meaningful life without CSAM
- Task 2(b) Setting goals: ReDirection towards a meaningful life
- Task 3: Relapse and how to move past it
Task 3(a) What did I learn from my relapse and how can I act differently
to avoid it in the future?
- Task 3(b) Identifying and minimizing the risk of relapse
- Task 4: Compassion for yourself
- Task 4(a) Compassionate letter to yourself
Task 1: What is a good and meaningful life to you?
Through completing this program, you are ReDirecting yourself towards a better
life. How do you want to build this new life without CSAM? How do you want to
live your life? What makes life feel good and meaningful to you? Answering
these questions will help you understand your long-term goals of what you want
to achieve and how you want to live your life. A meaningful life is not
necessarily a life in which you are happy all the time. It is normal to
experience different emotions and sometimes you may feel sad, angry, lonely
etc. However, if you work on creating a meaningful life for yourself, even in
the tough moments you will still feel as if you are living a worthwhile life.
We often make decisions that are not the best for us in the long run. For
example, using CSAM is harmful to your life as it can make it difficult to
achieve things that are important to you, such as maintaining close
relationships. Partaking in illegal or immoral behavior often raises feelings
of shame, which drives individuals to hide this part of their life from those
close to them. Feeling that you are not able to reveal your true self to the
people closest to you can make relationships feel distant and “lukewarm”.
Therefore, using CSAM holds you back from pursuing a meaningful life.
The contents of a meaningful life may be difficult to recognize. To figure out
what is meaningful to you, start by considering your most important values.
In our survey we found that 60 % (N=1596) of the users of CSAM had never
told anyone about their use of CSAM.
Task 2: A meaningful life led by your values
According to the GLM theory, individuals are always striving to fulfil the
nine primary needs. The GLM theory emphasizes that the goal to achieve balance
between the nine primary needs is always appropriate. However, the method that
individuals choose to achieve their goal is where they may go wrong. Choosing
inappropriate methods to achieve your goals can cause harm to yourself and
One of the needs that the individual strives towards is mental balance and
alleviating emotional stress. An individual who is experiencing loneliness or
who is constantly worried about things may have difficulty in achieving peace
of mind and may try to alleviate negative emotions through inappropriate
cognitive problem-solving methods, such as using CSAM. The problem with this
is that the methods used to achieve the goal of inner peace of mind are
unlikely to be successful in achieving this goal in the long run. Consider the
ways in which a primary need is pursued, rather than just focusing on
overcoming negative emotional states. If the deficit is related to the
application of wrong means, the focus of rehabilitation should be on finding
new ways to achieve peace of mind.20
With some individuals, intimacy deficits become evident in the way they seek
intimacy exclusively through sexual encounters or using CSAM. In this
strategy, the individual combines two Good Life goals: they use sex to seek
sexual gratification and a connection and intimacy with another person. In
addition, they may be seeking experiences of autonomy while enhancing their
Difficulties in emotional regulation are associated with difficulties
achieving peace of mind and inner peace. This again may lead to using sex and
CSAM (masturbation, sexual fantasies, sexual acts) as coping mechanisms to
regulate their negative emotional states. They have difficulty controlling
their emotional impulses. If they rely exclusive on sexual acts for emotional
regulation, this is an indication of a major emotional control deficit. From
the GLM perspective, this is also associated with fulfilling the need for
autonomy and sense of control.22
In the previous exercises you have already established which GLM-needs you are
aiming to fulfil by using CSAM. In the next exercises you will be assessing
why you use CSAM to fulfil your GLM-needs and what other means you could use
to fulfil your needs instead of using CSAM. You will also think about the life
you want to live, how can you meet your GLM-needs, and through what goals can
you start building your meaningful life.
17. Harris 2016.
18. Pietikäinen, 2020
19. Ward, Yates & Willis, 2012; Ward & Brown, 2004; Barnett & Wood 2008.
20. Barnett & Wood, 2008.
21. Barnett & Wood, 2008.
22. Barnett & Wood, 2008.
Task 2(a): My meaningful life without CSAM
Return now to the motives and needs that are connected to your CSAM use that
you have listed in Section 2 Task 3(b). Begin to think about ways in which you
could reach for and achieve the same goals in legal, risk-free ways which do
not cause harm to anyone. You can also use the values you listed out in
Section 1 Task 3.
If previously this has been the case:
I feel lonely (relatedness), I use CSAM and loneliness decreases (inner
peace), I get sexual satisfaction by watching the images (sexual wellbeing).
How could you try to meet these goals and needs without CSAM?
- Could a reliable person close to you help?
Could you benefit from learning skills to manage and accept your feelings
- Could you find new ways to achieve sexual wellbeing?
When you start to come up with new ways, you might discard them as stupid or
impossible. Just try to write them down, without judging yourself. You can use
the table below.
- Inner peace
|What do you gain from using CSAM?
||Which GLM-need does the use of CSAM fulfil?
||How can I meet these needs without using CSAM?
|"I was stressed but using CSAM made me feel more relaxed."
||6. Inner peace - I use CSAM to make me feel better and more calm.
In what other way, other than through CSAM use, could I feel better?
|"I get sexual satisfaction."
||1. Sexual wellbeing - I get sexual gratification from using CSAM.
In what other way, other than through CSAM use, could I achieve sexual
|"I feel less lonely/ I don't feel lonely."
6. Inner peace
4. Agency - I don't feel lonely when I watch CSAM, so using CSAM is a way
to control my emotions. I feel capable when I watch CSAM.
Task 2(b): Setting goals: ReDirection towards a meaningful life
Many of us have attempted change our behavior in some way but have failed in
doing so. For example, many people want to get healthier, but they set
unrealistic goals (e.g. going to the gym every day), which often lead to
failure and disappointment.
To increase your chances of success, set SMART goals for yourself, which are
specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-limited. Having a good
goal will make you more likely to achieve it.
Specify the main goal you want to achieve. Now specify the concrete
steps you need to take to reach your goal. It is useful to divide the
goal into smaller steps. It is especially helpful to think about the
concrete actions you can take already now: today, this week, this month.
Define how you can assess reaching your goal and realizing the necessary
steps. How will you know when you have reached your goal?
Is it realistic that you will meet your goal? If your goal is to stop
using CSAM straight away, this might be unrealistic for some people. A
long-term plan to change your behavior over time may be more attainable.
Is your goal relevant or meaningful to you and your well-being?
Establish a timetable for reaching each smaller goal and the bigger
You can begin to rule out impossible or unsuitable measures that you wrote
down in the table in the previous task. Pick out the most important or
suitable means and begin to make a concrete plan on how you could make use of
Now set goals for yourself regarding the GLM-needs that you are aiming to
fulfil through your use of CSAM. Start by setting your main goal, e.g. ‘I
accept the difficult feelings I struggle with, and I share my problems with
someone close to me’. After this, divide the man goal into smaller goals, and
list out the things you will need to do to meet those smaller goals. It is
important that in your goals you aim to go “toward something”, not “away from
After making a plan on how to meet your goals, think about the skills and
resources that you will need to achieve your goals. Which skills do you
already have, and which skills do you need to work on? Think about the
possible obstacles you might face on your path, and how you can avoid or
overcome such obstacles. E.g. ‘I do not think that my abilities to control my
emotions are very strong, therefore I will list out situations in which I have
been able to control my emotions and have managed with them. If I begin to
lose faith, I read through the list and remind myself that I have been able to
do this before and I only feel that I will not be able to do it although I
know I can’.
The GLM need: ____________________
The main goal related to the GLM need: ________________________
Small goal to meet in one week, and concrete steps/measures
to meet the goal
Small goal to meet in one month, and the concrete
steps/measures to meet the goal
Small goal to meet in six months, and the concrete
steps/measures to meet the goal
Small goal to meet in 12 months, and the concrete
steps/measures to meet the goal
Small goal to meet in three years, and the concrete
steps/measures to meet the goal
My strengths, skills, and abilities that allow me to meet my goals:
Obstacles that may make is difficult for me to meet my goals, and how I
overcome/solve them: ____________________
Other things to note: ____________________
23. Mann, Webster, Schofield & Marshall 2004.
Task 3: Relapse and how to move past it
Changing habits and behavior is difficult for everyone. At first, change might feel easy as you will be very motivated to change your behavior. However, it takes time to change, and habits take a long time to unlearn. Habits are like a path: familiar paths are easy to travel along as they take you to familiar places. Taking a new path, or forming a new habit, can be difficult and even scary, however the more you travel the path, the stronger and easier it becomes. The more you repeat your new habits, the easier they will become, and you will be less tempted to continue your old habits. Nonetheless, it is inevitable that you will be tempted to return to your old habits at some point. This is normal, but it is important to prepare for this relapse and learn how to move past it.
Different factors may increase your risk of relapse, for example your emotional state. When you are feeling confident and happy, your risk of relapse may be quite low, however when you start to feel stressed or anxious, you may be at a higher risk of relapsing and returning to your harmful behavior. Bear this in mind and be prepared to overcome potential relapse.
Wheel of Change
There are different stages in changing behavior (see image below).24 The “Wheel of Change” might keep turning for a while before you can get rid of the old behavior. Because you are reading this ReDirection Self-Help Program, you have already recognized the need for change, and you have thought about giving up CSAM use (Stage 2 Contemplation). Maybe you are already prepared to change your behavior (Stage 3 Preparation), and maybe you have even already tried to live without CSAM (Stage 4 Action) but have gone back to using CSAM (Stage 6 Relapse). Relapsing is a normal part of life in all situations of change. Facing adversity does not mean that you have failed or that you cannot make a permanent change in your behavior. After experiencing a relapse, you can go back and continue on the wheel of change and learn from your relapse. In the next task you will learn to recognize the triggers that may lead to a relapse, and you will learn alternative ways to act in risk situations.
24. Prochaska & DiClemente 1996.
Task 3(a): What did I learn from my relapse and how can I act differently to avoid it in the future?
If you find yourself returning to use CSAM, it is important to recognize the relapse and stop for a moment. Look back and see in what situation the relapse occurred.
- Has there been a significant change in your life situation?
- How were you feeling/how was your mood before you relapsed?
- What kinds of thoughts did you have?
- What kinds of physical sensations did you notice in yourself?
- Were there any significant events in your personal relationships before the relapse?
- What external and internal factors triggered you into using CSAM?
- Try to form yourself an understanding of the path that took you to returning to the behavior (CSAM use).
Once you have completed this exercise you can congratulate yourself. You have learned something new. What you do with what you have learned is important. Use it to develop your self-regulation skills: what signs in your mood signal that the risk is arising? What kinds of events make you more likely to relapse?
Once you have dealt with the relapse, it is important that you return to making a change and do not remain frustrated by it.
Task 3(b): Identifying and minimizing the risk of relapse
Certain variables can increase your impulsiveness and decrease your ability to
make well thought out decisions. You can remember them easily with the
HALT-acronym: Hungry, Angry,
Lonely, Tired. Try to take care of yourself
and your needs.
Before you act, stop and ask yourself:
- Am I hungry?
Am I angry?
- Eat something that raises your blood sugar levels.
- This can make you feel more emotionally balanced.
Do I feel lonely?
- Why are you upset/annoyed?
- Try some rigorous exercise, this can help relieve anger.
- Try writing about what you feel angry about.
Am I tired?
- Call a friend or family member.
- Try to talk to someone close to you about how you feel.
- Take some time for yourself, rest, listen to calming music.
Each of these variables make us more likely to make poor decisions. If you
answer “yes” to any of the options above, follow the suggestions to try to fix
the situation immediately. This way you can make better choices and act in the
way you want easier.
Task 4: Compassion for yourself
It is important to practice having compassion for yourself. Everyone deserves
a good and meaningful life, even though sometimes it may not seem like it. By
practicing compassion towards yourself, you can strengthen the feeling that
you have the right to enjoy and good life, which is worth the effort you put
towards working for it.
Having sexual interest in children is not accepted in society. This causes
many individuals with sexual interest in children to internalize this negative
feeling toward themselves. However, it is important to separate your thoughts
and feelings from your actions. Feeling sexual attraction towards children is
only one part of you as an individual, but it might grow to define you as a
person. Being compassionate towards yourself makes growth and learning
possible, as you put aside your shame and acknowledge your progress and look
forward to the life you want to live. Compassion allows you to move forward
and change your behavior in line with your own values.
Task 4(a): Compassionate letter to yourself
Everyone has low moments when you feel like you are not good enough. In these
moments, we may feel that we cannot change our behavior and we should just
give up. In these moments of doubt, compassion to yourself can help you build
the path you want to be traveling on. You can try to help yourself through
these tough moments by writing a compassionate letter to yourself.
You can write the letter in three different ways:25
1. From a friend to yourself:
Imagine a friend who is smart, loving, and compassionate. Imagine that this
friend sees all your strengths and weaknesses, including the things that you
dislike about yourself. This friend understands that people are not perfect
and their abilities are limited. The friend is kind, understanding, and
Write a letter to yourself from the point of view of this friend and focus
on what is on your mind/what is bothering you, what do you criticize
yourself for. What would this friend say to you from the point of view of
limitless compassion? If that friend were to suggest changes to you and your
life, how would their compassion, support, and encouragement show through
After you have written the letter put it aside for a moment. Return to it
later and read through it, really letting the words settle in. Feel the
compassion, feel it sinking in, calming and comforting you. Love,
connection, and acceptance are your right as an individual. To get those,
you simply need to look within.
2. From you to a friend:
Write a letter as if though you were talking to a dear friend who is
struggling with and pondering similar questions as you are. What kinds of
words of compassion and support would you show them? Read your letter,
directing the words at yourself.
3. From compassionate you to yourself:
Write a letter from the point of view of the compassionate you. This “part”
of you wants to help you because he deeply cares about you. The aim is for
your compassionate self to tell you “I love you and I do not want you to
suffer”. Put the letter aside and read it later.
Writing and reading the letter can feel strange at first. However, it will get
easier with practice. When you practice compassion toward yourself, imaging
being like a kind friend to yourself. Remember that you are human with all
your strengths and weaknesses. Flaws and ways in which you may lack are a part
of humanity. Try to accept and take note of the uncomfortable thoughts without
adding or removing anything from them. They are creations of your mind, and
you can learn to live with them through practice.26
25. Neff & Germer, 2018.
26. Myllyviita, 2016.
Task 5: Sexual wellbeing and safety
Sexual wellbeing is important for every individual regardless of their sexual
orientation and interests. If your interest is focused on underaged children,
achieving sexual wellbeing can be difficult, because acting upon your
interests is illegal and harmful to yourself and others. If you are
masturbating while searching for and using material depicting children, the
connection between sexual gratification and CSAM is strengthened. This, on the
other hand, will increase the likelihood of you continuing your behavior and
increasing the time you use viewing CSAM. Therefore, strengthening the
connection will often lead to more suffering for you and other people.
This task presents an alternative method through which you can express your
sexuality in a safe way without hurting others.
If you feel any sexual attraction to individuals over the age of consent you
can try to strengthen that interest.
Find legal material depicting individuals over the age of consent that
arouses you even a bit
After this, you can try whether you could masturbate using this material
It is possible that it will not feel as good or as satisfying at first.
However, it is important that you keep trying to strengthen the connection
between the legal material and the feel-good feelings. This helps you to avoid
using CSAM whilst taking care of your sexual well-being.
Other means to support wellbeing
If you are still concerned about your ability to control your behavior after
completing this program, you may find medication helpful. There are
medications available that can lower your libido and relieve your compulsive
thoughts, which may help to reduce your urge to use CSAM. Such medication can
also serve as significant help for psychological distress. Appropriate medical
treatment can also relieve your psychological energy, which in turn makes it
easier to maintain and uphold behavioral change. Medication does not have a
permanent impact on one’s libido or sexual thoughts, but they return after
If you think that medication could be helpful for you, please consult a
Using CSAM is often accompanied by strong negative thoughts and feelings which
can be hard to deal with alone. In these cases, therapy can be a very helpful
and important tool. Cognitive behavioral therapy and psychotherapy have proven
to be effective treatments for people who have problems with the use of CSAM.
However, it can be very difficult to talk to people, even healthcare
professionals, about topics such as the use of CSAM due to the intense stigma.
Fortunately, there exists anonymous therapy online, which offers the benefits
of therapy with the safety of anonymity.
In therapy you will, together with your therapist, analyze your use of CSAM
and find ways for better life. Therapy will strengthen your skills to control
your thoughts and behavior. With your therapist you will learn how certain
thoughts can lead to certain feelings which in turn can lead to certain
behavioral responses and vice versa. Therapy strengthens your responsible
behavior and helps you to achieve healthier and safer life through cognitive,
behavioral, and emotional change.
Anonymous online therapy:
Prevent It is a free of charge online therapy for decreasing
usage of CSAM. The treatment is 8 weeks long with individual therapist
support. It is anonymous with an option to use Tor. You are welcome to
participate in the trial in which we evaluate.
Link to platform and registration
Onion link to platform and registration
Other ways to support change
If your sexual interest is focused on underaged children, you may feel a
strong sense of being an outsider. You might find it difficult to find people
with whom you can discuss the things that are weighing on your mind.
Furthermore, you may also want to find individuals who share your attraction
to children but have found moral ways to live their life without causing harm
to themselves or others. However, be careful when seeking out individuals
living morally, as you may also meet others with similar sexual interest who
may influence you negatively.
You do not need to be alone. To find more information on online support groups
and organizations that may be helpful for you, you can visit
In our survey we found that 60 % (N=1596) of the users of CSAM had never
told anyone about their use of CSAM.
Checklist to uphold change
Through this ReDirection Program you have entered a new area where there is no
path yet. Now it is your job to start making the area you are in, into a new
path which will lead you toward a meaningful and good life. This can only be
achieved through concrete actions. You will now have to walk towards your goal
on your path repeatedly to strengthen it. You are going to have to resist
temptations many times during this. In those moments, however, it is important
to stop for a moment, show compassion toward yourself and try to remember your
values and goals. You are at a crossroad where you can either choose the old
or the new direction.
Here you can find a checklist which aims to help you recognize your progress
and maintain your new direction even in difficult times.27
- Recognize your progress on your new path
Recognize the ways in which you have progressed. Compare your current
situation to the one you started from.
- Recognize what skills and methods have helped you on your journey.
It is important to practice continuously. Repetition strengthens change.
Try to implement what you have learned also to the other problem areas of
Remember that thoughts are just thoughts and you can change your approach
Set goals for yourself so that you can recognize thoughts and decisions
that are relevant for the desired end goal.
When difficult feelings arise, it is important that you stick to the goal
you have set.
- Recognize and challenge unrealistic expectations when they arise
Recognize unrealistic expectations (e.g., “I will never feel the urge to
watch CSAM ever again”).
Progress includes continuous movement, and sometimes that movement is
backwards especially in times of stress or sudden moments of adversity.
- Moving backwards/relapse is not a catastrophe
Practice seeing a step back as an opportunity to hone your skills and
practice the things you have learned so far: “This kind of a situation is
surprisingly difficult for me. How could I manage it better in the
In response to our “Help us to help you” survey, 30% of CSAM users (N= 1
787) said that they would like to stop searching for and using CSAM/illegal
violent material nearly every time they view it.
After completing the ReDirection Program: Reflecting on your progress
Congratulations, you have completed the ReDirection Self-Help Program! You
have taken a very important step in ReDirecting your life for the better.
Now that you have completed the program, it is important to continue to work
on your new skills and stay on track with the progress you have made. Set a
time every week (even for 10 minutes) to check in on yourself and reflect on
your progress. Remember to acknowledge the achievements you have made by
recognizing the positive changes you see in your behavior and in your life.
Watch out for any signs that you may be returning to your old behavior and
think about how you can continue to support your behavioral change.
||How do you feel about your progress?
Acknowledge the achievements you have made. In which ways have you been
Are there any signs that you may be returning to your old behavior?
How will you continue to support your behavioral change?
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