Self-help program

Worrying is usually associated with believing that worrying is a good thing. Do you recognise these beliefs in yourself?

1. Worrying helps me solve problems

You may think that worrying helps you make good decisions or that you remain attentive and concentrated when you are constantly worried.

2. Worrying inspires me to do things well and get results

You might think that worrying and feeling stressed makes you study harder, for example.

3. If I worry in advance, I won’t be disappointed later

For example, you might think that worrying in advance about your relative having an accident means that you won’t be shocked if it really does happen.

4. Bad things don’t happen when I worry about them in advance

This is based on the idea that nothing bad happened earlier when you worried about something in advance. Now you might be afraid that if you stop worrying about the safety of your relative (for example), something bad will actually happen.

5. Worrying is a sign that I’m conscientious and I care about the people close to me

You might think worrying about people who are close to you shows that you care a lot about them. Or you may consider that worrying about work during your leisure time is a sign of conscientiousness.

Concrete concerns and difficulty in life already cause you enough anxiety. In order to prevent your overall anxiety from increasing, it would be helpful to gain control over the anxiety associated with worrying.

The first step towards reducing worry is learning to separate it from reality.

For example, thinking “I’m going crazy” does not make you crazy. It simply means that you’re sometimes afraid of the thought that you might be going crazy. You could restate this as “I am having the thought that I’m going crazy”.

Dwelling on things that cause anxiety can also manifest in your mind as an endless series of internal court trials. Your mind excessively dwells on the issue, as if finding a guilty party would be essential. For example:

• “Yes, I was right, and Paul should admit his guilt.”
• “Did I do something wrong since Tina was so upset?”
• “I think I considered it carefully, but maybe I should have done things differently after all...”

However, it’s most important to think about how to move forward.

The following questions might be helpful when you’re looking for positive alternatives to worrying:

• What can I do to bring balance back into my life?
• How does something that I worry about affect my everyday life or does it have any effect at all?
• Is this something in which I could practice forgiveness or self-compassion?
• Can I tell myself or someone else that mistakes and wrong deeds are part of being human – just like good deeds and successful choices?

It’s a good idea to look at things in a neutral and less critical way. This is a good skill to practice consciously.

In a conflict situation for example you could say: “You see things differently than me. It’s quite interesting to notice  your different point of view. What are your reasons for thinking like this?”

The habit of dwelling on things is often linked to a mistake, error, thoughtlessness or inability. This can be associated with a feeling of shame and worthlessness. Accept the fact that we are all imperfect and weak in many ways, but still unique and worthy. Be compassionate to yourself. This can help give you the freedom to step away from the vicious circle of dwelling on thoughts.

You can also try firmly telling yourself: “Stop now! Dwelling on things is not useful or in line with my values. It causes more suffering than solutions.”