How do I talk about loneliness at work?

Workplace loneliness is a personal experience, but it can have a big impact on performance at work, making it important topic for the workplace.  When someone experiences workplace loneliness there is often a need for it to be acknowledged and given space.

Workplace loneliness often occurs in environments where the work culture is rushed and dominated by criticism, competition and comparison, jealousy, and employee uncertainty about job security.

A difficult work atmosphere weakens openness, trust, and social cohesion in the workplace. This can make it hard for employees to express their experiences of loneliness and get the support they need.

Well-meaning comments can disrupt connection

Advice intended to help someone can backfire if it appears to be dismissive of the other person’s feelings or experiences.

Giving advice

• “Have you tried..., just join in with the others!” A well-meant suggestion can feel patronizing, and the person may feel that they should have figured out the solution for themselves.

Minimizing

• “Loneliness isn’t so serious, everyone feels lonely sometimes” or “It will pass” or “You don’t really need to make friends at work.”
  Loneliness doesn’t go away through reasoning.

Ignoring

• “Let’s focus on what’s going well instead.”
  Positive thinking isn’t helpful when someone is struggling or in distress.

Comparisons

• “At least you have a team, some people don’t even have that.”

  The problem isn’t a lack of gratitude, so making comparisons to those worse off is not fair or helpful. 

An attentive and respectful work atmosphere

Openness in work culture, genuine interest in others, and common dialogue creates the foundations for addressing loneliness. Dialogue means thinking together and building interactions collectively.

In dialogic interaction, you listen in order to understand the other person’s thoughts and experiences better. Instead of emphasizing power imbalances in the relationship, the focus is on creating an encounter between equals.

Creativity, warm-hearted humor, compassion and enthusiasm strengthen community spirit. The opportunity to talk about difficult topics and having a person-centered atmosphere make the workplace a safe space to share experiences and to receive support.

What helps someone feel heard in workplace loneliness is:

• Curiosity and openness to others’ experiences: How does the other person see the situation differently?
• Willingness to talk: How do they feel in the work community right now? Do they feel part of the team?
• Acceptance: Understanding that feeling lonely is normal, even if it feels unpleasant and painful.
• Understanding and support: Loneliness can affect well-being, job satisfaction, and coping. Exploring together what might help opens the situation.
• Appreciation: Expressing appreciation for another person’s openness and willingness to talk.
• More options and choice: What are some alternative options? Which options could they try?

Discussing loneliness is often avoided

Experiencing workplace loneliness can involve feelings of shame or fear of not being heard or helped. Similarly, someone starting the conversation may worry about saying the wrong thing and avoid bringing up the topic entirely. The first step in talking about loneliness is the hardest—but potentially the most rewarding.

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