Self-help program

The intensity of emotions varies from person to person and from situation to situation. Emotions themselves are not harmful, but the actions that arise from them can be.

When do emotions become harmful?

When you make a mistake or forget something, it’s normal to feel disappointment or even anger. The purpose of a negative emotion is to prepare us to improve the situation. The emotion activates the body and mind and creates a need to act.

Problems arise if you act on the emotion without considering the consequences. For example, frustration over a mistake may create the urge to throw your phone away or leave a meeting. However, this isn’t a constructive way to act. When the emotional surge subsides, you can think more clearly about it.

If the emotion is strong or it’s hard to think clearly, it can be difficult to stop the urge to act. However, with experience and practice, this can improve.

What thoughts lie behind emotions?

Many people believe that the situation itself causes the emotion. In reality, what you think about what happened plays a key role in shaping the emotion.

For example, one’s own mistake can trigger different reactions in different people. Some are not greatly affected by their mistakes, while others may feel overwhelmed even by small failures. Often, this is due to different interpretations of what the mistake means.

How can emotions be managed?

In better emotional regulation, it’s essential to understand that a feeling is just a feeling. Emotions come and go, and they’re not dangerous. It isn’t useful to try to block or suppress them, and this isn’t always possible anyway.

It’s helpful to focus on the things you can change. What kinds of situations do you put yourself in, and how do you feel when you do? How do you interpret situations that trigger emotions? How do you behave? How could you reduce the harm caused by emotions?

Examine your emotional regulation through 1. Circumstances, 2. Interpretations and 3. Actions.

1. Circumstances

In what kinds of situations do emotions cause you the most difficulty? Could you reduce your exposure to such situations?

Alcohol and other substances intensify emotions and weaken judgment

• Before you use substances, stop and think: are you using them to change your behavior or actions?
• Seek help if needed to reduce or stop use.

Many people become more irritable when tired

• Make sure you get enough rest and maintain a regular routine.
• If mornings are difficult, agree with loved ones on having a quiet wake-up period without conversation or demands.

Hunger can cause irritability

• Even small changes in blood sugar can affect your mood.

It might help to carry a snack in case meals are delayed and your patience starts to wear thin.

2. Interpretation

We constantly interpret events through our own assumptions. Emotions can distort thoughts, sometimes dramatically. At such moments, the world and other people may feel more difficult than they really are.

Extreme interpretations tend to keep difficult emotions going or make them stronger. Questioning and adjusting these interpretations can ease your mood and reduce the urge to act.

Below are examples of thoughts that can intensify emotional states and escalate situations.

3. Actions

What do you do when emotions intensify? What would you prefer not to do?

• If you tend to shout at others, you can decide to write down what you want to say instead.
• For many, a natural way is to leave the situation—go to another room or step outside to calm down.
• For some, a few calm breaths are enough.

If the issue involves others as well, you can think together about the best ways to handle the situation.